Massachusetts voters destroyed the Democrat Party once and for all Tuesday. In a devastating blow to Nazi-Commie hegemony, free market American Exceptionalists kicked Democrat tail, emerging eternally triumphant! The election carnage was such that even eminently Fair & Balanced Fox newscasters say they’d be shocked to see another Democrat candidate risk leaving the Party’s shallow warren—ever again.
The even better news? A true blue patriot won the late Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat in Massachusetts. Handsomely jawboned, hetrosexually married, athletic, middle-aged and pink-skinned Republican Scott Brown upset the thought-to-be invincible Democrat dynamo, …ah…um…—What’s-Her-Name.
Crack journalists at Fair & Balanced concur that What’s-Her-Name’s unexpected and resounding defeat can mean but one thing—that Republicans will easily sweep each and every congressional seat in November’s midterm elections.
“It’s a done deal,” said professional oracle, Karl Rove.
“I couldn’t agree more,” piped in rogue pundit, Sarah Palin.
“If…the…Dem…o…crats…had…only…turned…to…Je…sus…” came the deeply thoughtful analysis from the habitually deep and thoughtful Brit Hume.
“Surfs up and the tide is out.” Sean Hannity enthused.
“I’d say the Democrat Party just got hit with a tsunami of good ol’ fashion common sense Joe Sixpack American rage.” smiled Bill O’Reilly, leaning over to rub Ms. Palin with his falafel.
“I love this country so much, I’m afraid I’ll…
“Save the crying for something bad to happen, Glenn,” chimed in an upbeat Mike Huckabee. “The Lord has blessed us. In his infinite wisdom he has placed a real American in the Senate. Praise the Lord. The family unit is saved.”
“But it’s just so overwhelmingly emotion wretching…”
“Are you sure you mean wretching, Glenn?” Neil Cavuto asked in his strictly-business voice.
“Don’t get so hung up on words and meaning, Neil,” sultry Sarah proffered. “What’s fun is we can finally kiss all those darn death panels goodbye; and, gosh, this means we can get back to checking Barack Hussein’s birth records…”
“Yes, and now’s the time to find out if his white mother was actually married to that African negro,” Mr. Hannity helpfully added.
“And if he’s a Muslim terrorist…”
Mr. Rove gestured broadly for his fellow panelists to come back down to earth. “Today, the glint’s finally off the Democrat Party rose. Freedom and liberty,” Rove smiled, “are once again blossoming in the Republican fart garden.”
“Did you just say…”
“Relax, Neil—Karl’s just having a little flashback.” said O’Reilly, matter-of-factly. “By the way, Karl, is that still your nickname down in Crawford…or Dallas, or wherever-the-hell the President’s pulling up weeds these days?”
“It’s…high…ly…a…ppar…ent…that…this…e…lec…tion…was…a…ref…er…en…dum…on…ev…er…y…O…ba…ma…policy,…and…that…”
“Sure, Britt, but we’re running out of time here. Finish your sentence on-line. Okay, this has been a very special Fair & Balanced nothing-but-the-facts election 2010 report. I’m your host, Chris Wallace, saying—I make more money than you ever dreamed of, dad. And you are not forgiven. But I do wish our many other viewers well. And don’t forget to ring your broker first thing in the morning. Health company stocks purchased now will make you a great many comfortable tomorrows. Goodnight.
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Will Nevrluz is a corporate journalist and media consultant for more than three dozen Fortune 500 companies, including MMMung Inc. — “MMMung stands for the free market freedom to own it all.”
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Excellent!
Keep ‘em coming.